At least he manged to slice the watermelon

I’m not going to sit here and act like I’ve never sliced some fruit with a sword. I have and it’s awesome. It’s the closest I’ll ever get to being a real ninja.

So, I’m not going to fault Ali here. You get a sword, you gotta do sword things. Next time, just have your buddy pitch that melon at you like a baseball.

paris hilton plane crash prank

Heiress nearly has a heart attack over Egyptian TV show

Now, I know what a lot of you are thinking. This has to be fake, right?

Nope, it isn’t. You know why?

Because there is no way in hell Paris Hilton is this good at acting. That is a face of genuine fear. Seriously, this may be the meanest prank of all time. Like, I have a flight tomorrow and I’ll be thinking about this all damn day now. It’s not often I’ll feel empathy for talentless hacks like Hilton, but this is just terrible. The only other prank that could be worse than this is if they filled the plane with snakes. Yes, I’m referring to a Snakes on a Plane Prank. I’d jump right out.

NASA’s SpaceX CRS-7 Rocket Explodes After Liftoff

Capsule was to carry supplies to International Space Station

Well, that’s an absolute bummer to everyone at the space station. You know they were just sitting up there 250 miles above us just giddy in anticipation for an all new batch of goodies. Now they’re probably just sitting around eating whatever is left, which is more than likely grape flavored everything. Grape is ALWAYS the last of the leftover flavors. Just disgusting.

Also between this, Interstellar, Gravity, and The Martian; I’m never willingly going to space. I don’t care if Earth is imploding. I’ll take my chances here.

tall dude tricks people at nba draft

Admiration, free booze, and pierced nipples: This guy is living the dream

This guy is my hero. Just an absolutely genius idea followed up by flawless execution. It just goes to show that if you act like you belong there, people will think you belong there.

Being really tall probably has a ton of drawbacks. You can’t fit anywhere, you need to shop at big and tall, and you scare the crap out of little children.

However, being tall has really worked out for basketball players and apparently people pretending to be basketball players. You get people flocking to take pictures with you, free alcohol, and any girl’s number you want. Now, just imagine if he said he got drafted into the NFL as a quarterback. The possibilities would be endless.

fish plays fetch

Beats The Hell Out of My Cat Who Can Fetch

Move over bettas, there’s a new hot fish in town. Hell, move over dogs for that matter. At least with a fish, you don’t have to pick up mounds of crap. Just drop a few pellets in their tank in their good to go.

A lot of people get down on fish as pets, but I actually like them. I find them very soothing. Sure for the most part the don’t know who the hell you are and what the hell they even are, but they sure are fun to look at.

PS. Look at that head! He’s got a brain like Hector Hammond from Green Lantern. No wonder he knows how to fetch.
fish can fetch

walmart brawl ends with a tasing

Dude gets tazed out of his shoes!

No underwear? Tasing? Multiple arrests? Yup, just another average day at Walmart.

Seriously, I need to know the full story of this video. Like, is that tall guy in the ugly shirt undercover? What started this brawl? How strong does a taser have to be to be cranked up to launch someone from their shoes?

Obviously, police brutality has been the big story this year. However, here, it seems like everything was pretty routine. Officer tries to make arrest, others get involved for no reason, cop uses a taser to subdue someone who tries to hit someone else. Glad to see this video didn’t end as bad as it could have gone.

Also, check out that rainbow in the background!

subway jump falls short

That’s going to leave a mark

I think everyone in New York City has thought about this. Can I jump from one subway platform to the other? Is it even possible?

As shown by this gentleman, the short answer is probably no. This guy is the walking example of “Close but no cigar.” While I don’t think it should be attempted, I actually don’t think it’s impossible. I just think it will take some freak of nature athlete to do it.

But not this guy. I’m willing to bet if this guy tries this jump again he’s going to end up looking like a Wile E. Coyote cartoon.

mlb catch of the year

Josh Donaldson Snags Gold Glove Worthy Catch

Fan safety!? Who cares about keeping fan’s out of harm’s way when catches like that can be made.

Josh Donaldson just picked up a gold glove and perhaps the best catch of the year with that beauty. Look at him just dive in there without any regard for the fans or his own well being. Just insane. But really Josh, you’re on my fantasy team. Don’t die out there, please.

Also, did anyone notice that little kid in the glasses just disappear when he dove on top of him? Like, where the hell did he go? He just vanished like a goomba when Mario jumps on them.

donaldson catch of the year

Baby Seal invades home

The Cuteness is Almost Unbearable

Is this a thing in England? Like, is this just an everyday possibility? A seal can just stumble into your house and you’re just like “Oh, hey there little Guy.” I didn’t even know seals were even around England?

This lady is so calm and collected. Is this baby seal crawled up into my house, I would be so enthralled and excited, I don’t think I would be able to contain myself. The second this guys gets into the house, I’m taking selfies with him and looking a leash and collar.