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The only way this dude could have solved this Wheel Of Fortune riddle was either by a) cheating or b) being Professor X. And he doesn’t appear to be bald, in a wheel chair, or in command of a super-team of mutants.
So that leaves cheating.
You’re not fooling anyone, Emil. I’m on to you. I don’t know how you did it but I’m going to figure it out and expose you for your crimes against classic TV game shows.
As for you, Pat Sajak: don’t act like you’re surprised. You were probably the inside man.
Someone has finally done it. Someone has finally taken the two loves of my life and created something so beautiful that it pretty much brought me to tears.
I don’t care what it takes to make this happen. Somebody find Christopher Nolan and Nic Pizzolatto right now. Then, lock them into a small room until this thing gets hashed out. And while we’re at it, build a time machine and kidnap 1980’s Frank Miller. Let’s get him in on this too.
It’s that gloriously green and sloppy time of year again. The one day of the year where we gorge ourselves with corned beef and pretend to enjoy Killians or Guinness.
It’s St. Patrick’s Day.
Of course, in addition to parades and bag pipes, there will be drunks. A lot of them. To prepare you for this celebration of everything Irish, we’ve compiled a list of the 7 types of inebriated individuals you will surely stumble across.
Day drinking is a completely different animal. You can’t just start your day with a Long Island Iced Tea. No, no, no. You need to work your way up to it with mimosas and beer. But every year on St. Patty’s day, someone makes the mistake of downing sugary vodka concoctions at 9 a.m. with their bowl of Fruity Pebbles. Big mistake friendo, now it’s 6 p.m. and you’re passed out in your own vomit and green glitter.
This is the poor sucker who got out of work late and is now forced to down 5 Irish Car Bombs and 4 drafts of Guinness in an hour. Problem is, unless you’re Andre the Giant, you’re going to find yourself in puke city right next to the early pre-gamer.
Every group of friends has this drunk on St. Patrick’s day. The drunk who doesn’t mention his heritage until March 17th when there’re bragging about it through a green megaphone. The is the drunk who continuously professes his love for U2 and corned beef and cabbage, even though you’ve only seen them eat Taco Bell and heard them listening to Lil’ Wayne.
Now, this drunk is quite possibly the only drunkard who has an excuse for getting out of hand. This is Christmas morning for them. It’s the one time of the year when they’re not frowned upon for running around twirling their Irish flags and starting non-stop fights. Safest thing to do if you see these folks is shake their hand and let them continue on their merry way.
It’s St. Patrick’s day, and your buddy’s wife has decided to to let him leave the coop and have a night out with the guys. Unfortunately for you, he’s got cabin fever and he’s going to try and make up for missing a year’s worth of partying in one day. This means it’s going to be a long night of shots for you and your comrades, which will of course mean an early morning hangover.
Very few things in life are a given. But every year, around 3 a.m, someone’s going to get thrown into the drunk tank. Usually, this same guy is also the drunk bro. This is the drunk who has painted their entire body green, been slapped for fondling women, and caused a scene for asking a little person where his pot of gold is. To this person, I say sit down on your cold jail cell bench and enjoy your police-issued baloney sandwich.
This guy. This damn guy is the worst. The dude had one job and he failed terribly. If you comes across this buffoon, it will be your civic duty to shame him for all the day.
So, scary news out of Denver yesterday as some bloated-up Jesse Pinkman looking s.o.b led Johnny Law on an absolutely insane high speed chase.
Alleged maniac Ryan Stone, 28, started his day off yesterday by highjacking a Ford Edge from a gas station at 6 a.m. Thing is, there was a 4-year old child IN the car and as it turns out, the fuzz really frown upon jacking cars and children.
This eventually turned into one of the craziest police chases I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen all those ‘World’s Wildest Police Chases’. Stone somehow managed to successfully highjack two more cars and drive against traffic on the highway, while still in pursuit. Eventually, and to no one’s surprise, the moron was eventually caught. Probably because he was too busy pulling up his pants. Seriously, if you can steal a car, you can steal a belt.
Now, I’m not one for blaming crime and violence on video games. But this guy busted out some pretty serious GTA moves. This guy was one stolen police car away from getting up to 4 stars. Too bad for he didn’t have any garages to paint his car. Dude, would have been in the clear.
Also, tell me you couldn’t picture see this guy saying ‘bitch’ in every sentence.
True Detective had its season finale Sunday night and a piece of me died inside. Now this isn’t because it was terrible–in fact, it’s the complete opposite. The series produced something so good, that for me personally, it ranks right up there with Breaking Bad’s last season as the greatest bit of TV I have ever seen.
Now, there’s going to be a giant void in my heart where Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson’s beautiful brilliance used to live. It’s a sadness that only compares to having your girlfriend leave you because your relationship peaked and it can go no further. Except if True Detective were a woman, I would walk my ass down to Tiffany’s, empty my bank account on a ring, and marry her on the spot.
So where I do go from here? Do I wallow in agony and continuously watch repeats on HBO GO? Probably. However, this also gives me time to ponder about season 2. Presumably HBO and Nic Pizzolatto will sign on for another go. And why wouldn’t they? The season was nothing short of a masterpiece, which leads me to believe the series will attract a bevy of Hollywood’s finest. With that being said, here are some duos that could be worthy of the badge.
Okay, I’m just going to to take the Men in Black route here. Josh Brolin as the ultra-grumpy and hesitant veteran. Jordan as the brash and smartass rookie partner. Bam. Emmy awards everywhere.
These two guys are the definition of an actor’s actor: Cerebral and infinitely talented. Here’s what I propose: They’re brothers. They’re partners. And they do not like each other. Add that all together and what do you get? Best season of TV since “True Detective” season 1.
If I learned anything from “Zero Dark Thirty,” it’s that Chastain goes hard. Pair that tenacity with Bale’s ability to engross himself in a role and what do you get? A hit crime series featuring a straight by-the-books female tactician and an off-his-hinges lone wolf with a love for the bottle.
According to Pizzolatto, the most likely scenario for season 2 is that both the leads are women, which I would be totally down with. So why not shoot for the stars and cast Amy Adams and Cate Blanchett (yeah, fat chance I know) as two ladies with heavy chips (and holsters) on their shoulders. Honestly, the actress pool is deep. Just do NOT cast Kristen Stewart. In anything. Ever.
After the fantastic ending of “Breaking Bad,” it’s almost too scary to cast these two together again. No one is going to want to possibly tarnish the legacy of that show by casting the stars in another big-time series. But to hell with that, I trust Pizzolatto’s writing and Cranston and Paul’s talent. Tell me you wouldn’t want to see Mr. White and Jessie together again, but this time on the side of the law.
You know what award Daniel Day-Lewis doesn’t have? An Emmy. You know what award Daniel Day-Lewis needs? An Emmy. Solution: Cast him as the greatest detective to ever live. That’s right, he’d be better than Batman and Sherlock Holmes. Just have him play both roles via CGI, cloning, or magic.
It may have taken 8 years, but Frank Miller and Robert Rodriguez’s “Sin City: A Dame To Kill For” is finally getting ready to hit the theaters.
The sequel follows up to the events of the first film and features a bevy of hollywood’s best. The film will see the return of several actors including Mickey Rourke, Bruce Willis, and Jessica Alba. In addition to that, we’ll also get to see Josh Brolin and Joseph Gordon-Levitt take a turn in the the noir thriller.
The Sin City 2 script – written by Miller and William Monahan (The Departed) – is expected to incorporate two original Sin City graphic novel stories, “A Dame to Kill For” and “Just Another Saturday Night.” “Dame” takes us back before “The Big Fat Kill” (a.k.a. the Clive Owen segment in the first movie) and explores Dwight McCarthy’s (now played by Josh Brolin) past, revealing the truth behind his facial reconstruction. Meanwhile, “Saturday Night” follows Marv (Mickey Rourke) on an adventure the same night that Hartigan meets up with Nancy (Jessica Alba) in the first Sin City installment. (via screenrant)
Well, from the looks of the trailer, I’m pretty amped. I mean, having Jessica Alba and Eva Green in one movie has to outweigh the the fact the Miller helped helm this thing, right? Come on, have you seen “The Spirt”? No thanks.
The 2013 game of the year (sorry GTA 5) is officially getting the movie treatment.
Screen Gems, the same studio behind the Resident Evil films, announced today that they have signed a deal with Naughty Dog to turn “The Last of Us” into a full length live action film. In addition to that, they have also brought in the legendary Sam Raimi to produce.
Neil Druckmann, who was the creative director behind the game, will penn the screenplay and join game director Bruce Straley, Naughty Dog Presidents Evan Wells and Christophe Balestra, and Raimi as a producer under the Evil Dead genius’ Ghost House Pictures company.
For those living under a rock, “The Last of Us” details a decimated post-apocalyptic world where some unknown strain of fungus has turned most of the earth’s population into horrifying zombie-like creatures. The story features Joel, an aged and gruff smuggler, who must escort a 14-year old girl by the name of Ellie through the treacherous and monstrous terrain. Think of it as cross between Cormac McCarthy’s The Road and “The Walking Dead.”
And for those who are like me and have become too emotionally attached to the game, this news is a bit ambivalent. On one hand, Sam Raimi is backing this and I mean come on, “The Last of Us” gave us one of the most boss storylines of any game in the last ten years. On the other hand, the movie will be coming out of the same studio as the Resident Evil franchise…
All we can do now is put our faith in Naughty Dog and hope that Paul W.S. Anderson isn’t within an inch of this project. But hey, at least we can all play the casting game.
Here are my choices. Oh, and I opted out of the blatantly obvious Ellen Page as Ellie.
Chloe Grace Moretz as Ellie and Josh Brolin as Joel.
Two-Face: Check
Penguin: Check
Batmobile: Check times infinity!
After flying through the rumor wire, it was officially announced today that Batman: Arkham Knight would be the next game in the series under Rocksteady. The game will be released October 14th later this year for Xbox One, PS4, and PC.
While details of the storyline are not yet known, we do know that the game will take place ten years after the events of Arkham City. In addition to that, the Batmobile will finally make it’s gameplay debut.
Oh and if the trailer doesn’t get you amped (which if it doesn’t, you need to check for a pulse), then perhaps the rumor about a certain bandaged surgeon being the main antagonist will do it for you.
Ok, this story needs to be turned into PSA for bullying immediately:
Don’t pick on nerds…especially when you’re on their turf.
According to Click2Houston, Eugene Thompson was engaged in a heated argument with his live-in girlfriend when the woman called her estranged husband for backup. That’s when Thompson barricaded himself in the bedroom and decided to defend his honor.
“I heard him heading to the bedroom where I was, so I jumped in the closet and I grabbed one of my replica swords, and I pulled it out and stood at the doorway, and he was coming down the hallway at me while I was yelling, ‘Go away, you don’t live here’
Once the ill-tempered ex-husband broke through, Thompson, an avid anime fan and cosplayer, unsheathed his Master sword and prepared for battle. But what special attack did this brave and noble warrior use on his enemy? The spin attack!? The Fatal Blow!!??
”He just walked right into the point of the sword, I don’t know if he thought it was a toy,”
From there, Thompson and his adversary continued to duel with the latter being stabbed twice more in the in the leg and chest. Then, in a absurdly ironic ode to “Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time”, the ex-husband picked up a flower pot and smashed the brave Thompson in the head.
Soon after, the police arrived and separated the blood-ridden combatants. In the end, both men were taken to the hospital and treated for injuries. As for Thompson, well, he and his entire nerdy armory will have to find a new home as he has been given the boot from his now former lady.
But really, could you imagine what else this dude could’ve pulled out from his closet? What if he pulled out Cloud Strife’s Buster Sword or the Soul Edge from Soul Caliber? Thompson would probably be in jail for completely decapitating a man clean in half.
Actually, the only thing that could’ve possibly made this geeky Jerry Springer-like story better would be if the ex-husband decided to flee and Thompson tossed a red turtle shell at him.
PS- Tell me Thompson doesn’t look like a strung out Harry Potter. He’s got the glasses and the scar now. Dude just claimed his spot as the poster boy for nerds.
In a House of Cards plot twist, it appears that the American GOP are taking aim at ‘violent’ game developers. According to The Washington Examiner, the U.S. House of Representatives’ Ways and Means Committee have completely singled out developers for violent video games in their long-awaited tax reform bill. The Republican bill proposes an “improved and permanent research and development tax credit, which has benefitted countless industries from manufacturers to software creators to food producers.” Now, this is a marvelous act that should be applauded as it will surely benefit everyone from upstart companies to those who are financially struggling. However, the real kick to the gonads comes in on a on page 24 of the very same reform bill. In a blatant case of personal prejudice, a provision calls for the removal of that newly proclaimed tax credit for any developers or creators of a violent video games. In a not so shocking case of irony, the paper also points out that on the next page of the reform bill it mentions “stoping the practice of using the tax code to pick winners and losers based on political power rather than economic merit.” Of course, this entire situation is troubling for three reasons:
1) As mentioned by the examiner, this plan will hurt companies who dabble in ‘violent’ video games and non-violent video games. For example, look at a company like EA. Sure, they make games like “Dead Space” and “Battlefield,” but they also make ” Madden” and “FIFA”.
2) Why should the government get to decide what is worthy of a violent tag? Where is the line drawn on what is deemed ruthless and savage? Look at the Lego series of games or “Ratchet and Clank.” Technically, there is punching, kicking, shooting and mass explosions in those games. But, should they really be considered violent?
3) Now pay attention to this one because it’s most important: Is it me, or does it seem like the committee is giving the ol’ middle finger salute to the First Amendment? In the past, The Supreme Court has ruled that, whether they are violent or non-violent, video games are a form of art. This means that they should receive freedom of speech protections. But by taking away the tax credit, the members of the House are essentially saying “We don’t see this as art. Therefore it is not art. So you get no such rights. Good day sirs.” Now if that’s not a case of altering the constitution, then I don’t know what is. In actuality this is nothing new. Throughout history we’ve seen surrealism deemed garbage because it wasn’t realism. We’ve seen rock music censored because it got people to move their hips. Hell, even earlier this year we saw cases of high ranking officials tearing down historic pieces of graffiti because they didn’t think of it as “art.” “Violent” video games will always be an easy scapegoat for those who don’ get it or don’t play. However, it’s downright criminal and authoritarian to persecute something because you are simply out of touch with the always evolving world. That’s my rant. Tell me what you think in the comments below.
