Okay, dudes, time for a man-huddle. I know we all love having romantic relationships, and finding someone special is so rewarding, and having someone to spend the night with is wicked cool in lots of ways. But doesn’t it totally suck when you have to remember to text that person all the time? Asking about how their day is, letting them know you’re thinking about them–it’s boring and dumb and frankly, who has the time? Not us bros.
Luckily robots can handle all that jazz for us now, thanks to the whatever ubermensch came up with BroApp, the new smartphone application from Factorial Products Pty. Ltd. (which is probably the most corporate-sounding name possible). BroApp lets the busy and/or neglectful boyfriend send automated texts to his significant other at certain points of the day, times when he is much too busy pounding brewskis, working at Gold’s Gym (like the guy in the example pics below–seriously) and Watching The Game to pick up the phone and text “hey gurl sup.” BroApp detects what WiFi network it’s connected to and won’t send a text at your partner’s house, nor will it let your partner open the app by mistake–instead, they’ll just see a list of gifts their “attentive” lover plans on buying.
Of course, all this is a pretty elaborate, 21st-century way of being all the douche you can be. But even for all its precautions, there are still hazards: if you’re so forgetful that you can’t remember to send a text, couldn’t you just as easily forget to turn off the texts for special occasions that don’t apply to your regular schedule? And won’t your S.O. start to wonder why they never actually receive any of that stuff on the “gift list”? (And while I’m at it, this is way more sexist than it sounds at first–women can be just as insensitive and thoughtless as men, thank you very much.)
Truly, this is a dark day for trusting, open relationships everywhere. But BroApp has one more feature: as a deterrent against using BroApp. If you think your partner could be at risk of using this ridiculous service, just install it first–and use it to send regular text messages saying “If you ever download BroApp, I will literally kill you.” Girls named Lisa, you might want to get on this.
For more on BroApp, watch their trailer below to hear a guy chortle out the most terrible texts ever written.
Images via Factorial Products; thanks, guys…I guess. For more apps affecting our sex lives and relationships, click here.
