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The lightning bolt has been one of the most feared natural forces ever since the Earth was created in the year 5,000 BC. It has been a symbol of power since the days of Ancient Greece, and it currently remains a powerful symbolic device for foreshadowing and parallelism in media.
Despite any symbolism, it remains that lightning bolts are dangerous, and they do kill thousands of people every year worldwide. But as long as you stay cautious and smart, you’ll have nothing to worry about. Here are some basic tips and best practices for avoiding lightning bolt strikes.
Know the Radius
Even if the sky is clear, if there is a lightning storm nearby you may be at risk. If you can hear it, steer clear of it. Thunder can be heard up to ten miles away, and you can be struck by lightning at that distance.
Stay Out of the Water
In 2013, there were 23 lightning bolt-related deaths in the United States. Four of those deaths happened in boats on lakes or rivers, and another few happened very near a large body of water. If we’ve learned anything from Groundhog Day and the first season of Pokemon, it’s that water is a very good conductor of electricity, and you should probably avoid mixing your water and electricity-related activities. Even if you’re not touching the water, you shouldn’t think that lightning will just be attracted to the water and you’ll be fine. Since you are usually at a higher position than the water level, you’re at a high risk for being struck. Play it safe and stay far away from water during a storm.
Maybe Avoid Hanging Tobacco in Your Barn
Sure, barns are a great place to hang tobacco, but last year two Madison County men were killed while doing that very thing. There’s yet to be a study analyzing the relationship between lightning bolt deaths and hanging tobacco, but it’s probably best to play it safe and find some more substantial shelter and stay off the rafters.
Stay Away From Trees and Other Tall Things
Six US deaths last year happened because of lightning bolt strikes under or near a tree. If you can hear thunder, get inside (but maybe not in a barn to hang tobacco) or try to find some low ground away from trees.
Open Fields are Not Perfect
You have a much better chance of avoiding a lightning bolt strike if you are in an open field away from water, but deaths still occur in yards and open fields. For example, if you happen across a wild buffalo or moose, it could charge and maul you to death. But lightning strikes happen out in the open, too. Generally, getting struck by lightning is a freak occurrence and being outside at all for any reason is even freakier, but if you want to be as safe as possible, act like an American and avoid being outside at all.
Stay Indoors and Off the Phone
Aside from barns, scaffolding, and small outdoor structures, every single death from the US in the last couple years has happened outside. If you can see lightning bolts or hear thunder, your absolute safest bet is to stay inside a home or building. If you’re inside, you can probably just stop freaking out.
Usain Bolt is perhaps the person who has gained the most international importance since the word originally spread about Christ and his father, Morgan Freeman. Even of all the different kinds of bolts in the world—whether made from electricity, metal, or overworked Disney animators—none has matched the prestige of the human-fleshy-type bolt that is Usain. He became an instant sensation during the 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing, where he set the world records for both the 100- and 200-meter sprints. Faster than a bolt of lightning*, Usain Bolt is the first person to hold both records in over 30 years, and the first person ever to win both events at two consecutive Olympics. And he did it all on a strict diet of McDonald’s Chicken Nuggets.
*Some information may be false.
Before he was an Olympic gold medalist, Usain Bolt was already setting records. From his early years as a conveniently named Jamaican child, Bolt was obsessed with sports. He quickly showed an aptitude for sprinting and became the fastest runner in his school. At age 15, he had already reached his current height of 6 feet, 5 inches, and at 21, he broke the world record for the 100-meter sprint for the first time.
Bolt went on to beat his own record at the 2008 Beijing Olympics with a time of 9.69 seconds, and again at the 2012 London Olympics with a time of 9.63 seconds, which is still the current Olympic record. During the 2009 Berlin World Championships, he set a world record of 9.58 seconds, which is still the current time to beat.
And when he’s not running, he’s usually celebrating—or teaching other people how to. He started the trend known as “Bolting” or “To Di World,” a victory pose that has become widespread among mountain-climbers and college sororities. It’s the perfect way to celebrate an achievement of any scope, from setting a new world record to downing a shot of Jägermeister.
It seems, however, that being the fastest man alive can get tiresome after a while, especially when only racing against other sprinters—Bolt has lately been branching out by testing his skills against buses, English royalty, and an awkwardly dressed Jimmy Fallon.
So, what’s next for Usain Bolt? If you ask me, I’d say more Chicken Nuggets, more record-breaking runs, and more pictures of him with disturbingly skinny arms.
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