If you’ve already mastered being a successful human being, you’re probably looking for something a bit more challenging. These seven games will test your patience, skill, and willpower, though your phone might be in pieces by the end. Think you can handle them?
As soon as you open Super Hexagon, you know what you’re getting yourself into. The easiest difficulty is “hard,” and then there’s “harder,” “hardest,” and the unlockable “hardester,” “hardestest,” and “hardestestest.”
At its core, the game is simple. It’s a self-described “minimal action game” in which all you have to do is tap left or right to navigate through swirling vortexes of geometric shapes (i.e., hexagons). Stay alive for 60 seconds and you win, although you can keep playing as long as you can survive. Easy, right? No no no. The vortex moves impossibly fast and the controls are extremely sensitive, so if you hold the screen one millisecond too long, you’re toast. Fortunately for your self-esteem, the game doesn’t keep track of how many times you die. Eventually, you can get a feel for the movements and beat the first level, but then the difficulty doubles when you move on to the next level. Hopefully you’ve mastered Zen and reached enlightenment, because that’s probably the only way you can beat this game.
Download for iPhone / for Android
Chocolate! Running! Jumping! Everybody loves these things. But when combined, they can be a malicious combination. ChocoRun combines a running game with a platformer—although the game is basically a platformer, there’s only a jump control. The choco-guy runs on his own, and you control when and how powerfully he jumps. Changing the directions is as simple as doing a wall jump, though you may find yourself endlessly running back and forth on the same path until you figure out how to correctly time your jumps. And once you get the controls down, there’s the actual platforming part to get through. ChocoRun is similar to Super Meat Boy in that it has a knack for placing life-ending perils in the exact place you’re going to land every time. And if the challenge isn’t enough, the cute graphics and music will keep you playing. And hungry.
Download for iPhone
A game called “The Impossible Game” must be at least a little tough, right? Well, this is not just an average, incredibly difficult platformer. The game teases you with the promise of a finish line—and then does everything it can to stop you from reaching it. The good news is that the levels aren’t randomized, so you can, inch by inch, master the movements to beat each level. Just make sure you’re mentally stable before you play, though, because before long you may find yourself laughing insanely with rage.
Download for iPhone / for Android
Planet Plop is a cutesy, cartoony little arcade game at first sight, but underneath it’s devilishly cruel. The premise is pretty basic: Spin the planet and match the falling drops of different colors with the colors on the planet’s surface. Fill the empty planet with drops, and it blooms. Move on to the next planet. There’s even a little floating onion guy that drops handy bonuses! But Planet Plop is unforgiving. Make one mistake—let one drop fall in the wrong section—and it’s game over. And mistakes come easily and often; the planet will rotate at your slightest touch, and as you progress, the areas where you can capture drops get smaller and more obstacles-ridden. Oh, and did I mention the deadly drops? Deadly drops will end your game if they fall anywhere but on a mountain, which are scarce and narrow. And you can beat the game, maybe? I honestly can’t tell you if this is an infinite game or not, because I’ve never gotten far enough to find out.
Download for iPhone
Here’s another game with an ominous title, but it’s not all talk. This is a Wario-Ware-like game that tests your reflexes and quick thinking in a series of random, bizarre tasks. In one of the very first levels of Easy mode, I found myself getting so wound up that I began to freak, press random buttons, close the app, and resist the temptation to throw my phone through the window. This game requires patience and willpower, but you’ll probably be a better person for it.
Download for iPhone / for Android
From the makers of Final Fantasy comes an iPhone game that looks like it was made for NES, but with 21st-century sadists in mind. Most games are about avoiding death, but this one just accepts that you are going to die, and gives you plenty of ways to do it. The game presents you with a series of rooms, which contain brief levels where you must avoid bloody axes, falling platforms, pits of despair, and other family-friendly catastrophes. A single level lasts only seconds on a successful run, but it’s filled with enough obstacles to last an entire Mario game. Likely, you’ll finally master a level and make it to the end, only to realize that the last half-second is the most difficult part. The gravity and controls for each level vary, and just to show you they mean business, the lives counter shows how many times you’ve died, rather than how many lives you have left. Try it out if you like attempting the same impossible feat over and over. And over.
Download for iPhone
How hard could it be for an Olympic runner to run 100 meters? When you have to individually control his calves and thighs, the answer is “pretty hard.” QWOP will give you a newfound respect for your natural control of your limbs, since the runner in this game has none. You must lift and extend his calves and thighs manually, separately, and in a combination that will get him to not fall on his face. When you do fall, you start over. The game poses the question: Do I have enough patience to make a rag-doll run 100 meters? No. No I do not.
Download for iPhone / for Android / play online
