forums.spacebattles.com

Today, in the Crimean city of Sevastopol, the Ukrainian dolphin army was taken over by the Russian navy. Traditionally, these dolphins are used to detect enemy mines and scuba divers, as well as attack military targets when necessary. The media has focused a lot of attention on what this could mean for Ukraine and Russia, but virtually no one has pointed out how decisive this could be for the larger dolphin community.

And why would they? After all, they are just dolphins. Sweet, lovable, kid-friendly dolphins with funny fins and silly tails.

Right?

Combat-Dolphins-1
independent.co.uk

WRONG.

dolphin-combat-7
heavy.com

Dolphins are mindless killing machines with a thirst for blood, and this could be the big break they’ve been waiting for.

Don’t believe me?

THEN HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THIS?

combat-dolphins-final
cubed3.com

Pistols! With scopes!

OR THIS!

combat-dolphins-6-
s1llypeople.weebly.com

MOUNTED CHAIN GUNS. Financed by SeaWorld. This is where our tax dollars are going, people.

 IS THAT A LASER?!

combat-dolphins-2
thedodo.com

You bet your bottom dollar it is. This picture was taken seconds before a veritable massacre.

 AND YET WE CONTINUE TO DO NOTHING

killer-dolphin
animalnewyork.com

And their numbers continue to grow. More military dollars means more weapons, and more weapons means unprecedented levels of destruction the world over.

JUST LOOK AT THESE THINGS

combat-dolphins-8
earthintransition.com

How are we ok with this? When will we draw the line and say enough is enough? What will we do when they start to recruit others to their cause?

OH WAIT, THEY ALREADY DID.

combat-dolphins-9
reddit.com

Notice anything strange about the ocean? Perhaps its blood-red quality? That’s us, folks. This is our future. Unless we act now. Write to your congressmen. Call the newspapers. Spread the word. If we don’t do something soon, the dolphins certainly will.

 

SPREAD THE WORD:

underwatersculpture.com

Going to Cancun this spring break? Then you need to check out MUSA (Museo Subacuatico de Arte), the world’s first underwater museum, featuring over 500 sculptures by artist Jason deCaires Taylor. Taylor casts his sculptures in a special kind of cement that sinks them to the bottom of the ocean and attracts multitudes of fish, coral, and algae to their surfaces. Over time, these traditional forms become beautiful, living reefs that not only sustain our interest, but sustain mini ecosystems as well. Below we’ve picked out some of the best exhibits from MUSA, as well as his exhibits in other parts of Mexico and Guyana. We guarantee you’ve never seen anything like this:

1. “The Lost Correspondent”

underwater museum the-lost-correspondent-jason-decaires-taylor-sculpture
via www.underwatersculpture.com

2. “Night”

underwater museum night-jason-decaires-taylor-sculpture
via www.underwatersculpture.com

3. “Vicissitudes”

underwater museum vicissitudes-jason-decaires-taylor-sculpture
via www.underwatersculpture.com

4. “Man on Fire”

underwater museum man-on-fire-jason-decaires-taylor-sculpture
via www.underwatersculpture.com

5. “Inertia”

underwater museum inertia-jason-decaires-taylor-sculpture
via www.underwatersculpture.com

6. “Urban Reef”

underwater museum urban-reef-jason-decaires-taylor-sculpture
via www.underwatersculpture.com

7. “Anthropocene”

underwater museum anthropocene-jason-decaires-taylor-sculpture
via www.underwatersculpture.com

8. “Holy Man”

underwater museum holy-man-jason-decaires-taylor-sculpture
via www.underwatersculpture.com

9. “Silent Evolution”

underwater museum silent_evolution-jason-decaires-taylor-sculpture
via www.underwatersculpture.com

10. “Un-Still Life”

un-still-life-jason-decaires-taylor-sculpture
via www.underwatersculpture.com

11. “The Dream Collector”

the-dream-collector-jason-decaires-taylor-sculpture
via underwatersculpture.com

For more of Taylor’s amazing work and to learn more about the underwater museum, check out his website here.

Let your friends know about the Cancun underwater museum:
6indiegamesfeatured

This Wednesday, March 19th, the 16th Annual Independent Games Festival will take place at the San Francisco Moscone Convention Center, honoring the very best in independent game development. The creme de la creme are awarded $30,000 and the prestigious Seumas McNally Grand Prize. This year’s nominees are some of the best we’ve seen in a long time. Each one pushes the boundaries of what a video game can be, proving that games are so much more than FPS massacres or time-wasters: they are works of art. Check out the nominees below.

1. Device 6

Simogo’s Device 6 is one of the best apps to hit the iTunes store since…well, since the last game Simogo released. Mixing short story narrative form with noir elements and interactive, multimedia puzzles, Device 6 redefines what a good mobile game is. It takes full advantage of your phone or iPad’s capabilities, blending audio, screen manipulation, text, and image into a seamless gaming experience. Definitely give this bad boy a look.

2. Dominique Pamplemousse in “It’s All Over Once the Fat Lady Sings!”

Another game in the noir vein, Dominique Pamplemousse is an eccentric point-and-click mystery adventure opera starring an androgynous claymation detective on the hunt for a missing pop star in a black-and-white cardboard dreamworld. And I’m fairly certain its about the economic recession. That’s about as close as I can get to characterizing it, but that’s the beauty of the game: it delights in subverting and defying your expectations. It’s all about showing us what games (and people) can be, and for that alone it deserves its nomination.

3. Don’t Starve

Before there was Rust or Starbound, there was Don’t Starve, an unsettling and amusing take on the survival genre. Despite its inviting animation style (picture across between a Tim Burton flick and an Edward Gorey illustration), Don’t Starve is anything but your friend. In fact, it doesn’t give two dimes if you starve or not. There are no tutorials, no goals, no breaks, and no apologies. If you die, you die. All of the hours you spent building up your new wild life will be lost. It’s that special sort of game that asks everything of its players and gives them one fantastic experience in return. If you’re a masochist or play Dark Souls, you’ll love Don’t Starve.

4. Jazzpunk

I think it’s important to start this off by pointing out just how funny this game is. Think about that for a moment. A game…that’s funny. There are definitely games that elicit a chuckle or two, but it’s a rare day when a game can make you belly laugh from start to finish. Jazzpunk is one of those exceptions. There were a couple of moments in this game when I was straight-up crying from laughter. It’s basically a collage of pulpy influences, cheap gags, and hilarious, tangential mini-games, all of which take place in a Cold War world after the Japanese win WWII. If you have any sense of humor whatsoever, you’ll give Jazzpunk a try.

5. Papers, Please

You go into this game thinking you’re a good person, a person with a pretty black-and-white understanding of right and wrong, and this game just shatters that into tiny, miserable pieces. You play as an immigration official, and the whole game consists of you navigating an endless list of cold, bureaucratic laws that dictate who can come in to Arstotzka, your great and glorious homeland. Each new immigrant presents you with a moral quandary that tests your ethical mettle in painful ways. After awhile, it becomes impossible to maintain a sunny disposition. You will turn away good people, people who need your help, and you won’t even care that you did. Want to understand the meaning of the phrase, “I was just following orders”? Then check out Papers, Please.

6. The Stanley Parable

The Stanley Parable has sparked an almost nauseating amount of debate since its release, and it’s easy to see why. Like Device 6 and Dear EstherThe Stanley Parable’s primary focus is narrative and how video games manipulate it. There are various endings, dozens of paths, and an endless number of choices to make. You play as Stanley, a bland, wallflower sort of guy, who has suddenly found his bleak office space completely empty. The only company you have is an acerbic (and genuinely funny) narrator who takes great pleasure in your confusion. I could tell you more, but that would ruin the fun. Just know this is one hell of a game.

Featured image via npr.org

flappy-bird-clones-featured

Rabid Flappy Bird fans may have sent Dong Nguyen into semi-permanent hermitage, but that hasn’t scared off hundreds of aspiring game developers from flooding the app market with Flappy Bird clones. According to an article in The Guardian, of the nearly 300 games submitted to the iTunes app store each day, nearly one third of them are the offspring of Flappy Bird. You know what I’m talking about. You’ve seen them. The flappy pigs. The awkward ducks. The Mileys and the Drakes. This monstrosity. They are everywhere and anywhere. There could even be a flappy you right now, flapping through cyberspace… alone.

What’s perhaps most shocking about this clone business is just how popular these ripoffs are. People are playing these games and they are playing them a lot. Right now, at this very moment, there are three flappy-based games in the app store’s top free games: Jumpy Jack, Flappy Wings, and, my personal favorite, Tiny Flying Drizzy. There has been plenty of speculation as to why this phenomenon has gripped the American people so tightly. Maybe we are stupid and like stupid things. Maybe it’s a cultural crisis, a reflection of the deep emptiness in our hearts and minds. Or maybe these games are just fun.

via touchtapplay.com
via touchtapplay.com

Whatever the reason, it’s getting harder and harder to just brush these games aside. These games, whether we like it or not, are starting to mean something to us. It could be because they are so goddamn simple, because they can reduce even the most complex of subjects into instantaneous parody. Just look what was done to the crisis in Ukraine. And that’s only the tip of the iceberg. Trending topics across a wide range of fields have been manipulated by Flappy Bird aficionados into free games available for everyone. This goes to show that, with a little knowhow, we can take anything from our cultural moment and translate it into a flapping interface. Is this inane and reductive? You bet your bippy it is. But to get upset about that would be to miss the point entirely. Flappy Bird clones, for better or worse, have opened up a tiny, twisted space for us to poke fun at our problems, our culture, and ourselves in a way that’s silly and accessible. If that gets you down, I sympathize. But the truth is, these games are here now, and I’m pretty sure they’re here to stay.

Featured image via tuaw.com
Flying-Cyrus---Wrecking-Ball-featured

Here at Bolt3, we are relatively open-minded about Flappy Bird and the rest of its ilk. We loved Splashy Fish, got a kick out of Fly Birdie, and cried more than once over Ironpants. Hell, we’ll even accept Flappy Pig, bless his little swine heart. But Flying Cyrus has gone too far.

It’s not so much that the game follows the exact same format as the original and steals Flappy Bird’s distinct sound effects. It’s not even that there’s something intrinsically wrong with a pixelated Miley Cyrus. I loved “We Can’t Stop,” I really did. If there was a mobile game in which you guided a buzzed Miley Cyrus through wastelands of dazed twenty-somethings  and over steep, red cup cliffs, I’d be the first person to play.

No, the problem with Flying Cyrus is the nightmares. Consider this a warning: don’t play Flying Cyrus. Just don’t do it. You can’t handle it. None of us can. Do you remember The Ring? Remember how they said “don’t watch the video tape” and everyone went and watched the video tape? Remember what happened to them?

There was a whole lot of this:

ring_3
via nitehawkcinema.com

And this:

The_Ring-one
via headhuntershorrorhouse.wikia.com

And THIS:

the-ring-2
via fanpop.com

 

Look, you need to listen to me here. I’m one of these people. I didn’t listen to the warnings. I thought that I was cool, that I could handle anything.  I was wrong, and now I don’t have much time. I played Flying Cyrus for upwards of five minutes, but I haven’t slept since. All I can see is her face. Those soulless blue eyes. Those white fangs. That serpent tongue. I still wake up with cold sweats and the distinct feeling of that tongue in my ear.. I can’t eat. I can’t keep eye contact with anyone.

How can you when you’ve seen the real face of evil, when you know what waits for you inside the abyss?

I mean, just look at her:

Flying-Cyrus-Bolt-3\

Closer.

Flying-Cyrus-Bolt-3-1

Ok, that’s enough —

Flying-Cyrus-Bolt-3-2

JESUS CHRIST I SAID THAT’S ENOUGH!?^$&%$@^@@
Flying-Cyrus-Bolt-3-4

HELP

Flying-Cyrus-Bolt-3-5

AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Flying-Cyrus-Bolt-3-6

……………………………………………………..

…………………….

………….

……

..

.

100-pics-featured-image

100 Pics isn’t exactly the easiest game in the world. It doesn’t help that, after the 50th picture or so, they start to just make things up. Don’t believe me? Here are some examples from the “Colours” level that 100 Pics more than likely invented:

1. Heliotrope

100-pics-colors-100

False. It’s pink. If you want to be a connoisseur about it, dark pink. But don’t you dare pretend heliotrope is a real thing.

2. Byzantium

100-pics-colors-096

Otherwise known as the great city of Constantinople. Or that movie about vampires. Neither of which were purple. Which is what this color is. It’s purple.

3. Thistle

100-pics-colors-094

I want you to look at this square. I mean it, really take some time to inspect it. Was there ever a moment when staring at this square that you thought “Oh yeah, definitely thistle.” Right, that’s what I thought.

4. Carmine

100-pics-colors-056

After learning that this color was considered “carmine”, there was a moment when I wondered if there was a connection between this deep, bloody color and the relatively large number of Mafia characters named Carmine. Then I realized such a connection was pointless because carmine isn’t a real color.

5. Taupe

100-pics-colors-072

No, actually a taupe looks like this:

taupe
via baroque-in-babylon.blogspot.com

As you can see, this friendly, European mole is not, in fact, the color square above.

6. Verdigris

100-pics-colors-090

To be fair, it was perfectly reasonable for 100 Pics to use this color. I just wish they would call it blue.

 

All pictures used from 100 Pics via https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/100-pics-quiz/id652945710?mt=8
Featured image via http://www.dm-3.com/confused-what-colors-to-chose-for-your-website-this-infographic-will-help/
notsheriffwoody-11

A lot has changed since Andy left for college. You probably already know this if you follow @NotSheriffWoody, but Woody’s fallen off the bandwagon. Hard. Check out these eight pictures to see what Sheriff Woody’s been up to since Toy Story 3:

It all started with a couple of harmless bowl hits. Nothing serious — just a couple of guys trying to take the edge off.
notsheriffwoody-6
Image via twitter.com/NotSheriffWoody
Except Woody didn’t know when to quit.
notsheriffwoody-1
Image via twitter.com/NotSheriffWoody
He opened a few brews…
notsheriffwoody-5
Image via twitter.com/NotSheriffWoody
…and things got a out of hand.
notsheriffwoody-8
Image via twitter.com/NotSheriffWoody
Fast.
notsheriffwoody-9
Image via twitter.com/NotSheriffWoody
I guess you could say he went to infinity…
notsheriffwoody-4
Image via twitter.com/NotSheriffWoody
…and beyond.
notsheriffwoody-3
Image via twitter.com/NotSheriffWoody
He was last spotted at 4:00 am, outside this girl’s window, singing “You got a friend in me”.
notsheriffwoody-7
Image via twitter.com/NotSheriffWoody
Police say he’s still at large.

 

Featured image via twitter.com/NotSheriffWoody