Man Insults Alligator, Alligator Procedes To Eat Him

“F#ck that Alligator”

Ok, so let’s break down this insane story for you:

Buzzfeed News: A Texas man who was warned not to swim in a river due to an alligator sighting, but jumped in anyway, was attacked and killed early Friday near the Louisiana border, police told BuzzFeed News.

Tommie Woodward, 28, was at an outdoor bar at a marina in Orange, Texas, around 2:30 a.m. local time when he defied a sign warning of alligators and entered the bayou waters.

Employees at the marina had erected the sign in recent days after spotting a “pretty damn big” 11-foot alligator in the area, Orange County Police Captain Robert Enmon told BuzzFeed News.

A woman with Woodward warned him not to enter the water because of the risk, prompting him to reply “Fuck that alligator,” Enmon said.

Just before he jumped in, the woman spotted the gator, Enmon said. Woodward was attacked almost immediately.

“It was pretty much immediate,” Enmon told BuzzFeed News. “He had puncture marks on his upper right shoulder, and his left arm and elbow received severe damage. The alligator pulled him down and he came back up yelling.”

Obviously, this is extremely sad. However, it should also serve as an important lesson for everyone.

Alligators. Sharks. Snakes. Bees. Hell, even squirrels. Don’t mess with nature. Especially if you’re drunk. You are not Bear Grylls and you are not the second coming of Steve Irwin.

On the other hand, “Fuck that Alligator” isn’t the worst last words one could say. I mean, he probably shouldn’t have followed through with his insult. A simple wave of the middle finger would have gotten the point across just fine, I think.