simpsons-minecraft-opening-feat

If you tuned in to see The Simpsons (that staggering relic of 90s comedy) last night, you may have seen a surprising couch gag starting off the episode. The show’s animators, noting that “parodies are easy,” opened the show in the style of Minecraft. It was radically different from most couch gags, showing the family wandering through Springfield and through the ever-burning tire pile. Quality video of the opener is tough to come by, but here’s the full gag:

Clearly, the best part is Creeper Moe, who was already Springfield’s creepiest creeper and has now ascended to new levels of creephood.

simpsons-minecraft-couch-gag
“Ehh, ya got a nice suburban domicile here, Homer. Be a shame if someone was to randomly blow it up.”

 

Of course, this isn’t the first time a cartoon has referenced Minecraft (although let’s be honest, it’s not really the most topical parody in 2014). South Park already used the game as a basis for its episode “Informative Murder Porn,” in which Randy and Sharon Marsh gleefully murder each other’s avatars.

 

south-park-minecraft
Parents of the year, all years. (via Forbes)

 

Creepers also mad a cameo appearance on MAD TV once, in their “ThunderLOLcats” short. Here’s the full clip, but remember: this is MAD TV we’re talking about here. You may need to purge its “humor” from your system afterwards.

And Minecraft has expanded outside of animation, too. If you managed to sit through Lady Gaga’s “G.U.Y.” music video, you’d know she used her pixel power to reanimate John Lennon, Gandhi, Michael Jackson, and Jesus with the help of Youtube user SkyDoesMinecraft. (Artpop is weird stuff, guys.)

Speaking of Michael Jackson, another YouTuber named MinecraftFinest has made a blockily-rendered animation after the video for “Thriller,” which might be the funniest parody on this list.

But Minecraft itself is better than any parody, especially when people like Deadmau5 are out there. The musician built a giant replica of his mouse-mask on his personal server and uses it to troll people into falling in lava pits.

 

deadmau5-minecraft-troll
“Yes…good. Come hang out with me on my invisible sky-bridge. Deadmau5 will protect you. Hehehe.”

 

Minecraft’s creator Markus “Notch” Persson is still a little overwhelmed at all the attention his little game has gotten, and adorably expressed his feelings on Twitter after seeing his brainchild referenced on “The Simpsons.”


Enjoy it, Notch. You’ve created a pop culture sensation. We’re just looking forward to “The Minecraft Movie.”

game-of-thrones-season-4-premiere

Thousands of nerds descended upon the Barclays Center in New York City last night for an early screening of the Game of Thrones Season 4 premiere. I was one of them, of course, because I will gladly pay fifteen bucks to watch television in a sports arena. The event, officially named “Game of Thrones: The Epic Fan Experience” because HBO is grandiose like that, was honestly just as epic as it claimed to be. Due to heavy cell-phone security, I can’t share pictures or video of the screening with you, because I have none. But you can read all about it below. WARNING: Spoilers for Game of Thrones episode 401 follow.

Before the episode began, Common performed his Game of Thrones mixtape track “The Ladders” for the crowd, continually asking the audience if they came to “par-tay.”

common
No, Common. We came to drink beer and watch TV. Via Vibe

Common left pretty fast, though, and Kristian “Hodor” Nairn came onstage to approximately twice the applause.

“Hodor? Hodor, hodor.” Via NY Daily News

Maisie “Arya” Williams, Sibel “Shae” Kekilli, John “Samwell” Bradley, and George R.R. Martin himself were also there to do a Q&A session. We found out that Maisie has accidentally hit several cameras and her own face with swords on set…

maisie
Oh God, please be careful with that thing. There’s enough fake death on this show as it is. Via OuchPress

…and that John’s favorite part of being on set is, in five words, “Kit. Harrington’s. Big. Brown. Eyes.”

kit-harrington
He’s right–they’re like rich dark chocolate truffles. Via We Got This Covered 

Finally it was time for the main event, as the season 4 premiere began with Tywin Lannister melting down Ned Stark’s greatsword into two smaller swords for his sons.

valerian-steel
That’s cold, Tywin. …Well not literally. Via IGN

Tyrion, meanwhile, meets Prince Oberyn Martell, who is taking time out of his busy whoring schedule to plot his vengeance against all Lannisters.

oberyn-martell
He also grabs a man’s testicles as a pre-sex warmup while singing “My Way.” Via ScreenRant

He’ll have to get in line, since Arya finally gets to scratch a name off her murder-list and is reunited with her beloved sword Needle.

needle
Finally, more people will be stuck with the pointy end. Via WallpaperHi

Up at the Wall, Jon Snow (swoon) is trying to convince his superiors that yes, the Wildlings are a threat and no, they shouldn’t chop off his head.

jonsnow
“Or do it. Whatever. My life is pretty awful regardless.” Via The Hoodling’s Hole

Across the ocean, Dany has her own problems, since her dragons are getting way too big to control.

drogon
“Jesus, Drogon, shut up. Damn teenagers.” Via FanSided

The episode ended with a preview of things to come. We can expect to see Samwell getting more depressed than ever before, Jaime trying desperately not to suck at left-handed sword fighting, and Tyrion growling that he should have let Stannis Boratheon kill his royal family.

tyrion
“Getting real tired of your shit, Dad.” Via HBO Watch

If HBO was trying to work me up into a furious fanboy froth with this new episode, then well done you sick bastards. Everyone on the show seems to concur that there are a ton of climactic moments this season, so there’s plenty to look forward to when Game of Thrones returns on April 6th.

Share this:

haldouglas

Last week we lost Hal Douglas, the legendary voice actor who lent his vocal cords to some of your favorite movie trailers, and we just can’t get over it. Even if you didn’t know his name, you knew Hal’s classic “In a world…” opening line or recognized his voice from one of these trailers.

His narration was easily the best thing about “Waterworld”…

He introduced us to the best buddy cop series of all time…

And when he told us to “check our weapons,” we listened!

But Hal had plenty of comedic talent, too…

Even when the comedy wasn’t that great…

Or when he was the butt of the joke.

And to the very end, he never really cared for the voice that made him famous–but he was glad we liked it.

Rest in peace, Mr. Douglas. Movies will be all the poorer for your passing.

sexiestfeatured

Since time immemorial (around the middle of the 1980s), mankind has asked itself “Who amongst the characters I have fabricated for use in games is truly the most attractive?” Bitter feuds have broken out over this question, turning casual acquaintances into sworn enemies at the drop of a PlayStation controller. It’s lucky that we’re here to finally settle the score with our definitive list of gaming’s sexiest characters. Don’t like it? Leave us a comment. I’m sure that’ll put us in our place.

15. Nathan Drake (Uncharted)

15natedrake

Via Deadliest Fiction

Nate Drake sets the standard for everyone else on this list by being the most ruggedly adventurous rogue this side of Han Solo. We have no idea what his name really is, but “Nathan Drake” is sexy all by itself–and this square-jawed fox thought that up when he was fifteen, while plotting to steal the explorer Francis Drake’s astrolabe from a Colombian museum. He definitely knows the way around our cliffs if you know what we mean.

14. Lenora (Pokemon Black & White)

14lenora

Via Bulbapedia

In Pokemon Black & White, if you plan on getting the Basic Badge, you’ll have to best this bodacious beauty in single combat first. That’s no mean feat, since there’s nobody better at kicking ass with a terrier and a groundhog than Lenora. There’s also nobody better at being smoking hot while wearing a huge apron. In fact, the only thing bigger than her apron (and hair) is her brain–Lenora’s the head of the Nacrene Museum, in charge of fossils. Best believe you’ll end up a skeleton too if you screw around with her.

13. Cortana (Halo)

13cortana

Via Digital Trends

Ah, Cortana. You’re like Motoko Kusanagi if she ever appeared in a video game that was, you know, popular. True, you do way less shooting than the good ol’ Major, but you rock the short blue hair like nobody’s business, you regularly parade around with no clothes on, and damned if you aren’t the smartest person Master Chief ever talked to. Just ask Colonel Ackerson (actually, that might be slightly difficult).

12. Viconia DeVir (Baldur’s Gate)

12viconia

Via Forgotten Realms Wikia

It takes a certain caliber of sexy to turn someone on while only ever showing your face and neck. Viconia, the evil outcast dark elf, has that kind of sexy. True, her avatar was totally jacked in the first game, but she apparently had some work done before Baldur’s Gate 2 was released, because she’s without a doubt the finest lady ever to be banished from the Underdark. Viconia is one of the few characters that can be romanced by the PC, and the only viable romance for evil characters (but the hardest to woo, since she’s a strong independent grey woman who don’t need no man). Plus, she’s a pretty boss cleric that can give out a serious beating with just a rock and a sling. And let’s not forget she was voiced by the heavenly Grey DeLisle!

11. Corvo (Dishonored)

06corvo

Via GlitchCat

Though you’ll almost never see Corvo’s face while playing Dishonored, that doesn’t stop him being the sexiest man alive on the streets of Dunwall. You won’t get much of an opportunity to scope his swarthy good looks during the game, since Corvo’s usually wearing a hardcore assassin mask that lets him mete out vengeance and pain from afar. Corvo’s a man on a mission, and there’s not a single person in the world who can stop him from doing whatever the hell he wants to. One thing’s for sure: he wouldn’t get any resistance from us. Although it’d be nice if he cleaned up a little bit of that prison grime first.

10. Elaine Marley (Monkey Island)

11elainemarley

Via Monkey Island Wiki

Elaine is the fieriest redhead ever to grace videogames, period. She’s also a tough-as-nails politician who governed the entire tri-island area for years and owns two mansions–and you know that power is dead sexy. As if that weren’t enough, Elaine’s also absurdly more competent than protagonist Guybrush Threepwood, but takes pity on the sucker and marries him anyway, presumably to keep him out of trouble and have a backup plan in case she can’t get out of LeChuck’s latest kidnap attempt. (Spoiler alert: she can totally get out of his latest kidnap attempt. Getting abducted is just a hobby.)

9. Kilik (Soul Calibur)

09kilik

A word of clarification: We’re not talking about the Kilik in Soul Calibur V, who keeps his gorgeous face hidden by a weird mask that makes him look like Hawkman and copies everyone else’s moveset. No, our hearts belong to classic Kilik, he of the shaggy hair, intense eyebrows, and crazy pole-dancing fighting style. He’s a bad enough dude to hold on to his sanity even after being infected with pure evil, train with the Edge Master, and–most importantly–rock a sweet face scar. If the world was ending (and in Soul Calibur, it always is), we’d still take the time to give his stick some extra attention.

8. Bastila Shan (Knights of the Old Republic)

08bastila

Via Wookiepedia

Remember when we said power was sexy? Well, Bastila’s the most powerful Jedi with a lower jaw in all of KotOR, and she can pull off that skintight jumpsuit too. Bastila’s “battle meditation” technique basically helped the Jedi not get murdered en masse by the Sith seventeen hundred times, and when she moonlighted as a Sith herself, she got scary good at the whole Force Lightning thing (probably the coolest thing you can do with the all-knowing Force). Every cell in her body is tougher than you will ever be (on account of the midichlorians, doncha know), so when she tells your amnesiac PC to get out of the way and let her take point, you better listen good. And did we mention she rocks the jumpsuit?

7. Tifa Lockhart (Final Fantasy VII)

07tifa

Via Blood Uchiha

 

There are three great reasons to lust after Ms. Lockhart: 36-24-35. Those are her official measurements according to the FF7 Ultimania Omega, because Square knows exactly what we’re looking for in a hot sidekick. Her outfit certainly doesn’t hurt her case either; if there’s one thing hotter than a girl in an undershirt, it’s a girl in an undershirt that doesn’t cover her entire stomach. But don’t mistake her sex appeal for weakness–in fact, Tifa’s the most hardcore character in the game. In a world where dudes carry around swords twice their height and can destroy entire towns, Tifa’s weapon of choice is a bare-knuckle beatdown, and that’s exactly how she wades into the final battle with Sephiroth. Get ’em, girl!

6. Ezio Auditore (Assassin’s Creed)

06ezio

 

Ezio’s another one of those guys who goes around with his face covered a lot–on account of the whole murdering people thing–but when he was a younger man, he paraded around Italy looking like Zachary Quinto with a mouth scar. We hope he doesn’t mind when people lick it, because that little lip ornament is just the icing on the deadly, dashing cake that is Signor Auditore. Possibly the greatest of all Assassin’s Creed protagonists (come at me, Altair fans), Ezio mixes his Italian and Arabic heritage into a delicious cocktail of sexy swordsmanship.

5. Dante (Devil May Cry)

07dante

 

Via ComicVine

We do love a man with a big…sword. But even better than that is a guy with a reasonably sized sword who also knows his way around a gun. Dante is all of that, plus a bundle of daddy issues that comes with being a half-demon who hunts regular demons for a living. Aside from his resemblance to Vash the Stampede and the fact that he almost never wears a shirt, Dante’s big bonus points come with his profession: paranormal investigator. Dan Ackroyd notwithstanding, is there a sexier occupation than going around and shooting ghosts in the face for cash and vengeance? The answer you’re looking for is “absolutely not.”

4. Sarah Kerrigan (StarCraft)

04sarahkerrigan

 

Via GiantBomb

Some more clarification is in order here–we’re talking about Sarah Kerrigan post-infestation, not during her reign as Queen of Blades. There’s just something about the Zerg that makes anyone affiliated with them into the least sexy people in the known universe. Once she got de-infested, though, Sarah went on a pretty baller rampage that cemented her place as, in her words, “Queen Bitch of the Universe” and even re-infested herself to save her main squeeze Raynor. But long before all that, Sarah was just your average smoking-hot redhead who could kill people with her brain, and no matter how scary and buglike she gets, we’ll always love her.

3. Big Boss (Metal Gear)

03bigboss

Via Metal Gear Wiki

Come on, did you really think we’d leave the dude whose codename used to be “Naked Snake” off this list? Not on your life, pal. Jack is the definition of a grizzled hunk of man, and he will not hesitate to shoot you in the spleen if you disagree. His sheer masculinity gave birth to both Solid and Liquid Snake, two of the baddest mofos ever to don a military uniform, and he’s been boozing, seducing, and busting heads since 19-frigging-50. If you thought Springsteen was The Boss, best think again. He can slither into our bed anytime.

2. Booker DeWitt (Bioshock Infinite)

02booker

 

Via Bioshock Wikia

Speaking of grizzled veterans, how about this square-jawed slab of muscle and magic? Booker is so rad he can discover a floating city, fight a giant mechanical bird, and start injecting himself with superpower syringes in the span of a half hour without losing his temper. Voiced by the swoon-inducing Troy Baker, whose voice is way too gravelly for someone so cute, Booker makes good on his promise to save Elizabeth no matter what it takes–whether it’s jumping between dimensions, swinging like Peter Parker thousands of feet above the ground, or just electrocuting thugs to death in droves. And hot damn, but he makes that Donald Duck sailor suit look fine.

1. Samus Aran (Metroid)

01samus

 

Via Epic Games

Samus Aran gets our top spot because she’s been, without a doubt, the sexiest character in the industry since 1986. From the second she stepped out of that power suit for the first time and set nerds’ hearts a-flutter, she’s been kicking alien ass all over the galaxy and making mad cash in the process. Samus is a deadlier bounty hunter than Boba Fett ever was, and for all her firepower, she’s even deadlier out of her armor than in it. In her Zero Suit, wielding just a pistol and a laser whip (which is infinitely hot by itself), Samus can kill you in thirteen different ways in a heartbeat before moving on to her real target. We hope we never get on her bad side–although with her body, we’re not sure she has a bad side. Hail to the Queen, baby!

Honorable Mention: Lara Croft

00lara

We can hear some of you whining through the screen already: “But where’s Lara?” Okay, you want to know why Little Miss Shoots Ancient Artifacts didn’t make our top fifteen? Simple: She doesn’t need another win. Lara’s been at the top of every geek fantasy list since the first Tomb Raider came out–the one where her boobs were so sharp we thought she was wearing a bookshelf. Fine, have another picture of her waving her pistols around (and we’re not talking about the ones in her hands). We’ll be busy shacking up with everyone else on this list.

pokemonkalosmap

1. Goats are a widespread form of public transportation.

01gogoat
“How shall I assist you with my supernatural powers, human? …A ride to the cafe? So be it.”

Via DigitalSpy

2. If you are not sufficiently chic, you will be asked to leave.

02style
They have certain standards to uphold.

Via YouTube

3. Even their criminals commit mainly crimes of *~fashion~*.

04xenosic
Come on, Xenosic–if that IS your real name–at least ditch the clip-on tie.

Via PokemonXY.com

4. Their romantic, brooding philosophers are difficult to distinguish from their megalomaniacal geniuses.

03lysandre
Excuse me, but before you continue your diabolical monologue, you might want to extinguish your entire head.

Via IGN

5. Looking directly at the Eiffel Tower is like staring at the sun.

05prism-tower
The region’s most romantic and retina-scarring landmark.

Via PokeDream

6. Giving your pets a treat to make them happy has been a major scientific breakthrough.

06zardpuff
“More cupcakes, human! Why did it take you this long to share dessert with me?”

Via Serebii

7. Luchadors are fairly common beasts that can be captured and tamed for use on the pro wrestling circuit.

07hawlucha
This avian sensation famously turned heel at last year’s Royal Rumble.

Via DeviantArt

8. Magical fairies are also frequently seen, but are much more disturbing to look at.

12slurpuff
I always knew I would die by being eaten by candy. I just hoped it would be chocolate.

Via Psypoke

9. While visiting the beach, you may see ghostly swords fighting wild animals.

08honedge
If you see these two, don’t get involved. It’s a personal matter. They’ll sort it out.

Via Smogon

10. There is no French word for surrender, but they do have multiple variations on the term “rapid strategic retreat.”

10escape
“All right, my pet dragon! Let’s go see what’s in this foreOH MY GOD A STRAY DOG SCATTER”

Via Serebii

11. Naps are strongly encouraged at all times, especially while on the road.

Sorry fellas, the bridge is out like a light.
Sorry fellas, the bridge is out like a light.

Via PokeDream

 

12. But for all their peculiarities, the citizens are relentlessly polite.

09polite

 

Via SuperCheats

Click here for more lessons on global culture we’ve learned from Pokemon games.

broappfeat

Okay, dudes, time for a man-huddle. I know we all love having romantic relationships, and finding someone special is so rewarding, and having someone to spend the night with is wicked cool in lots of ways. But doesn’t it totally suck when you have to remember to text that person all the time? Asking about how their day is, letting them know you’re thinking about them–it’s boring and dumb and frankly, who has the time? Not us bros.

Luckily robots can handle all that jazz for us now, thanks to the whatever ubermensch came up with BroApp, the new smartphone application from Factorial Products Pty. Ltd. (which is probably the most corporate-sounding name possible). BroApp lets the busy and/or neglectful boyfriend send automated texts to his significant other at certain points of the day, times when he is much too busy pounding brewskis, working at Gold’s Gym (like the guy in the example pics below–seriously) and Watching The Game to pick up the phone and text “hey gurl sup.” BroApp detects what WiFi network it’s connected to and won’t send a text at your partner’s house, nor will it let your partner open the app by mistake–instead, they’ll just see a list of gifts their “attentive” lover plans on buying.

broapp

Of course, all this is a pretty elaborate, 21st-century way of being all the douche you can be.  But even for all its precautions, there are still hazards: if you’re so forgetful that you can’t remember to send a text, couldn’t you just as easily forget to turn off the texts for special occasions that don’t apply to your regular schedule? And won’t your S.O. start to wonder why they never actually receive any of that stuff on the “gift list”? (And while I’m at it, this is way more sexist than it sounds at first–women can be just as insensitive and thoughtless as men, thank you very much.)

Truly, this is a dark day for trusting, open relationships everywhere. But BroApp has one more feature: as a deterrent against using BroApp. If you think your partner could be at risk of using this ridiculous service, just install it first–and use it to send regular text messages saying “If you ever download BroApp, I will literally kill you.” Girls named Lisa, you might want to get on this.

For more on BroApp, watch their trailer below to hear a guy chortle out the most terrible texts ever written.

Images via Factorial Products; thanks, guys…I guess. For more apps affecting our sex lives and relationships, click here.

rogen-goldberg-console-wars

Any gamer who lived through the 1990s can tell you about the horrors they experienced during the Console Wars. For a good chunk of the decade, video games were dominated by Nintendo, the Japanese industry giants who brought us the Mario games, Pokemon, and countless more. But for several years, gamers were torn between loyalty to their Nintendo overlords and the shiny new games they could only get by swearing fealty to Sega. It was a savage time when brother turned against brother, parent against child.

Now, Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg are revisiting that dark age in the upcoming movie “Console Wars,” which they will co-write and direct. Based on over 200 interviews from the book of the same name by Blake J. Harris, the movie will chronicle the efforts made by Tom Kalinske, who became Sega of America President in 1991. Since this is the same team that brought us Superbad and Knocked Up and will soon adapt the hit comic series Preacher for AMC, you can bet it’ll be a darkly comic film full of quality nerd humor; the fact that Scott Rudin (producer of The Social Network) has signed on to the project as well is just icing on the biographical cake.

nintendont

Of course, this is 2014; we know how this story begins and ends. Sega won the hearts and minds of (half) a nation with its Genesis system and mascot Sonic the Hedgehog; by the end of the decade, though, the company had backed out of the business of selling video game hardware altogether, leaving the market to Nintendo and its next opponent, Sony. But even though the battle is long since fought, reliving it is a chance to contemplate old wounds, mend broken friendships, and chuckle over some raunchy Rogen humor, so we can’t wait to see what he and Goldberg produce. In the meantime, you can pick up Harris’s book in August (or pre-order now on Amazon at the link above).

What are some of your memories of the legendary Console Wars? Tell us a story in the comments!

Featured image via TheWrap; Genesis commericial still via IGN

flappyclonefeat

We’re close to the two-week anniversary of Flappy Bird’s removal from the App Store, and it doesn’t look like the fad is dying down. If anything, the amount of Flappy Bird clones is increasing exponentially every day as more jaded developers attempt to cash in on the world’s most frustratingly addictive game. Yes, Flappy Bird’s loathsome legacy will outlive us all. Let that sink in for a second.

Part of this Flappy Boom is due to the new Flappy Jam on itch.io, a site where indie game developers can easily host their creations to distribute to the masses. It’s a powerful tool, and we hate to see it being used for evil in this way. On the Flappy Jam page, you’ll find hundreds of Flappy Bird clones–the count was close to 450 as of this morning–ranging from straight-up ports of the original game for console emulators to games with punny, feces-centric titles (Crappy Bird is only the beginning). If you like memes, both Doge and Nyan Cat versions are available in multiple flavors, along with the unstoppable Rage Faces. But when you make several hundred games, you’re bound to find a few that are actually fun, even if it’s the kind of fun that makes you want to beat yourself around the face and neck with a hammer. Here are nine of the best efforts we’ve seen so far.

Type Type Evolution

type-type-evolution

Darwin and Nintendo were right! Evolution is real, and it’s controlled by arbitrarily leveling up an animal. Tap Tap Evolution presents you with a single cell, which you’ll help to evolve by typing the letters in pink bubbles as they float across the multicolored line. Type them as they cross the green for extra points. As your cell evolves, the line gets smaller. Will you transcend your animal instincts or sink back into the primordial ooze? Keyboarding has never been so vaguely educational.

Attack on Kiten

attack-on-kiten

Anime nerds rejoice: your love of kittens and the horrifying Attack on Titan series have collided at last. This is a remarkably difficult Flappy reskin in which your tiny scout cat must leap through the paws of oncoming Kitens. We didn’t think AoT could possibly contain more casualties. We were wrong.

Escape from Dragon Temple

escape-from-dragon-temple

Guide an absolutely adorable dragon through the fluted pillars to escape its temple. How did it get there? Why is it trying to escape? Keep an eye on the mosaics in the background and you might find the answer. Or not. We can’t get past the first three. Arrrrrrrrrgh.

Odd Flappy

odd-flappy

If you loved Flappy Bird but found it disappointingly unlike an ether binge with Hunter S. Thompson, have we got the game for you. Guide a gas mask-wearing wasp through a maze of disembodied heads and slanted(!) bottles and try to last as long as the eerie ambient music track.

I Have No Bird And I Must Flap

i-have-no-bird-and-i-must-flap

This game understands the truly horrific potential of the Flappy Bird madness. In the future, supercomputer Addictive Mechanics (AM) has destroyed every human on the planet except you. You must play Flappy Bird with a decrepit spaceship while AM shoots lasers at you from an undisclosed location. Every time you die, AM will resurrect you for another run. Abandon all hope, ye who play here. (Also, it has a neat glide command that adds nuance.)

Flappy Text Adventure

flappy-text-adventure

While playing Flappy Bird, have you ever mused to yourself “Gee, this game would be lots better if it had more math”? If so, congratulations on being the galaxy’s biggest nerd. Your prize is a game in which you will need to type “flap” in sequence to line yourself up along unseen X and Y axes so as to guide a bird–pictured in ASCII form above–through the pipes. Even getting a score of 1 is impressive.

The Birdman of Alcatraz

birdman-of-alcatraz

We’ll be honest–this only made the list because The Birdman of Alcatraz is a great movie. Go watch it. Burt Lancaster is tremendous. We’ll wait.

Tetribird

tetribird

This time, the bird goes wherever it wants. You’ll have to make a gap to suit its needs. Line up the cursor with the bird’s trajectory and hit space to make a hole. Fast-paced and grueling, but a fun twist on the formula.

Kick Bot

kick-bot

Now that’s what we’re talking about! This robot has a lot of climbing to do, and there are tons of spikes and lasers that want to stop its ascent. Well, those inanimate objects have yet to meet the furious jumping skills of KickBot! Yeah, that’s it, random scientist. Drink it in. This robot is going places.

Keep checking the Flappy Jam for new games, leave a comment below with your favorites, and remember–support indie developers. They debase themselves like this for your enjoyment. And if you decide to get in on the Jam yourself, tell us what you made!

Featured image from Odd Flappy via itch.io

spaceolympics

There’s less than a week to go in the 2014 Winter Olympics over in Sochi, Russia, and we have to say: is this it? Last time we had ourselves some Olympic action, we got Michael Phelps beasting his way to a record medal count and then shocking everybody by the size of his bong rips. This year has been woefully inadequate by comparison. Sure, there have been some great moments–Sage Kotsenburg’s ridiculous, ad-libbed snowboard trick to win the first slope style snowboarding event comes to mind–but mostly, it’s been a bunch of folks falling down hills, spinning around on the ice, and having generally bad hotel experiences.

But back in 2008, the best Olympics ever were held–or at least, they were broadcast to us from the year 3022. That’s when The Lonely Island aired “Space Olympics,” one of their peculiarly overlooked songs that later appeared on the album Incredibad. Andy Samberg hosted the grand tradition, exhorting athletes to reach for the stars (literally) and warning them about the perils of raiding the suite mini-bar. As the clip builds to a climax and the Space Olympics is on the brink of destruction, we remember just what it feels like to be excited by the Olympics. Hopefully some alien hordes show up at the Ice Cube Curling Center to liven things up a bit this week.

asm-gotg-feature

If there’s one thing in the world I love, it’s comic books. (Should my girlfriend be reading this, sorry honey. It was close.) That’s why the past decade has been pretty great for me, what with all the spectacular super-hero movies that have come out, from Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man to The AvengersComic book movies starring DC Comics characters have been pretty good (Man of Steel notwithstanding), but Marvel characters have undeniably had some incredible runs (Fantastic Four also notwithstanding).

With that in mind, you should understand why I’m so hyped for this year’s crop, which consists of The Amazing Spider-Man 2 and Guardians of the Galaxy. The two couldn’t be more different, plot-wise; one is about a wisecracking teen who accidentally gives Jamie Foxx electrical powers, and the other is about Chris Pratt going into space to fight aliens. But they overlap in being utterly hardcore, and these new previews prove it. We just got a look at the new ASM2 TV spot, and the first trailer for GotG will premiere on Jimmy Kimmel tonight. UPDATE: It’s finally here! Click here to watch the full trailer. Luckily, we have an early preview of the trailer, so you can brag to all your friends that you saw it before it was cool. Check out both videos below, and let us know which you’re most excited to see in the comments.