Since time immemorial (around the middle of the 1980s), mankind has asked itself “Who amongst the characters I have fabricated for use in games is truly the most attractive?” Bitter feuds have broken out over this question, turning casual acquaintances into sworn enemies at the drop of a PlayStation controller. It’s lucky that we’re here to finally settle the score with our definitive list of gaming’s sexiest characters. Don’t like it? Leave us a comment. I’m sure that’ll put us in our place.
15. Nathan Drake (Uncharted)
Nate Drake sets the standard for everyone else on this list by being the most ruggedly adventurous rogue this side of Han Solo. We have no idea what his name really is, but “Nathan Drake” is sexy all by itself–and this square-jawed fox thought that up when he was fifteen, while plotting to steal the explorer Francis Drake’s astrolabe from a Colombian museum. He definitely knows the way around our cliffs if you know what we mean.
14. Lenora (Pokemon Black & White)
In Pokemon Black & White, if you plan on getting the Basic Badge, you’ll have to best this bodacious beauty in single combat first. That’s no mean feat, since there’s nobody better at kicking ass with a terrier and a groundhog than Lenora. There’s also nobody better at being smoking hot while wearing a huge apron. In fact, the only thing bigger than her apron (and hair) is her brain–Lenora’s the head of the Nacrene Museum, in charge of fossils. Best believe you’ll end up a skeleton too if you screw around with her.
13. Cortana (Halo)
Via Digital Trends
Ah, Cortana. You’re like Motoko Kusanagi if she ever appeared in a video game that was, you know, popular. True, you do way less shooting than the good ol’ Major, but you rock the short blue hair like nobody’s business, you regularly parade around with no clothes on, and damned if you aren’t the smartest person Master Chief ever talked to. Just ask Colonel Ackerson (actually, that might be slightly difficult).
12. Viconia DeVir (Baldur’s Gate)
It takes a certain caliber of sexy to turn someone on while only ever showing your face and neck. Viconia, the evil outcast dark elf, has that kind of sexy. True, her avatar was totally jacked in the first game, but she apparently had some work done before Baldur’s Gate 2 was released, because she’s without a doubt the finest lady ever to be banished from the Underdark. Viconia is one of the few characters that can be romanced by the PC, and the only viable romance for evil characters (but the hardest to woo, since she’s a strong independent grey woman who don’t need no man). Plus, she’s a pretty boss cleric that can give out a serious beating with just a rock and a sling. And let’s not forget she was voiced by the heavenly Grey DeLisle!
11. Corvo (Dishonored)
Though you’ll almost never see Corvo’s face while playing Dishonored, that doesn’t stop him being the sexiest man alive on the streets of Dunwall. You won’t get much of an opportunity to scope his swarthy good looks during the game, since Corvo’s usually wearing a hardcore assassin mask that lets him mete out vengeance and pain from afar. Corvo’s a man on a mission, and there’s not a single person in the world who can stop him from doing whatever the hell he wants to. One thing’s for sure: he wouldn’t get any resistance from us. Although it’d be nice if he cleaned up a little bit of that prison grime first.
10. Elaine Marley (Monkey Island)
Elaine is the fieriest redhead ever to grace videogames, period. She’s also a tough-as-nails politician who governed the entire tri-island area for years and owns two mansions–and you know that power is dead sexy. As if that weren’t enough, Elaine’s also absurdly more competent than protagonist Guybrush Threepwood, but takes pity on the sucker and marries him anyway, presumably to keep him out of trouble and have a backup plan in case she can’t get out of LeChuck’s latest kidnap attempt. (Spoiler alert: she can totally get out of his latest kidnap attempt. Getting abducted is just a hobby.)
9. Kilik (Soul Calibur)
A word of clarification: We’re not talking about the Kilik in Soul Calibur V, who keeps his gorgeous face hidden by a weird mask that makes him look like Hawkman and copies everyone else’s moveset. No, our hearts belong to classic Kilik, he of the shaggy hair, intense eyebrows, and crazy pole-dancing fighting style. He’s a bad enough dude to hold on to his sanity even after being infected with pure evil, train with the Edge Master, and–most importantly–rock a sweet face scar. If the world was ending (and in Soul Calibur, it always is), we’d still take the time to give his stick some extra attention.
8. Bastila Shan (Knights of the Old Republic)
Remember when we said power was sexy? Well, Bastila’s the most powerful Jedi with a lower jaw in all of KotOR, and she can pull off that skintight jumpsuit too. Bastila’s “battle meditation” technique basically helped the Jedi not get murdered en masse by the Sith seventeen hundred times, and when she moonlighted as a Sith herself, she got scary good at the whole Force Lightning thing (probably the coolest thing you can do with the all-knowing Force). Every cell in her body is tougher than you will ever be (on account of the midichlorians, doncha know), so when she tells your amnesiac PC to get out of the way and let her take point, you better listen good. And did we mention she rocks the jumpsuit?
7. Tifa Lockhart (Final Fantasy VII)
Via Blood Uchiha
There are three great reasons to lust after Ms. Lockhart: 36-24-35. Those are her official measurements according to the FF7 Ultimania Omega, because Square knows exactly what we’re looking for in a hot sidekick. Her outfit certainly doesn’t hurt her case either; if there’s one thing hotter than a girl in an undershirt, it’s a girl in an undershirt that doesn’t cover her entire stomach. But don’t mistake her sex appeal for weakness–in fact, Tifa’s the most hardcore character in the game. In a world where dudes carry around swords twice their height and can destroy entire towns, Tifa’s weapon of choice is a bare-knuckle beatdown, and that’s exactly how she wades into the final battle with Sephiroth. Get ’em, girl!
6. Ezio Auditore (Assassin’s Creed)
Ezio’s another one of those guys who goes around with his face covered a lot–on account of the whole murdering people thing–but when he was a younger man, he paraded around Italy looking like Zachary Quinto with a mouth scar. We hope he doesn’t mind when people lick it, because that little lip ornament is just the icing on the deadly, dashing cake that is Signor Auditore. Possibly the greatest of all Assassin’s Creed protagonists (come at me, Altair fans), Ezio mixes his Italian and Arabic heritage into a delicious cocktail of sexy swordsmanship.
5. Dante (Devil May Cry)
We do love a man with a big…sword. But even better than that is a guy with a reasonably sized sword who also knows his way around a gun. Dante is all of that, plus a bundle of daddy issues that comes with being a half-demon who hunts regular demons for a living. Aside from his resemblance to Vash the Stampede and the fact that he almost never wears a shirt, Dante’s big bonus points come with his profession: paranormal investigator. Dan Ackroyd notwithstanding, is there a sexier occupation than going around and shooting ghosts in the face for cash and vengeance? The answer you’re looking for is “absolutely not.”
4. Sarah Kerrigan (StarCraft)
Some more clarification is in order here–we’re talking about Sarah Kerrigan post-infestation, not during her reign as Queen of Blades. There’s just something about the Zerg that makes anyone affiliated with them into the least sexy people in the known universe. Once she got de-infested, though, Sarah went on a pretty baller rampage that cemented her place as, in her words, “Queen Bitch of the Universe” and even re-infested herself to save her main squeeze Raynor. But long before all that, Sarah was just your average smoking-hot redhead who could kill people with her brain, and no matter how scary and buglike she gets, we’ll always love her.
3. Big Boss (Metal Gear)
Via Metal Gear Wiki
Come on, did you really think we’d leave the dude whose codename used to be “Naked Snake” off this list? Not on your life, pal. Jack is the definition of a grizzled hunk of man, and he will not hesitate to shoot you in the spleen if you disagree. His sheer masculinity gave birth to both Solid and Liquid Snake, two of the baddest mofos ever to don a military uniform, and he’s been boozing, seducing, and busting heads since 19-frigging-50. If you thought Springsteen was The Boss, best think again. He can slither into our bed anytime.
2. Booker DeWitt (Bioshock Infinite)
Via Bioshock Wikia
Speaking of grizzled veterans, how about this square-jawed slab of muscle and magic? Booker is so rad he can discover a floating city, fight a giant mechanical bird, and start injecting himself with superpower syringes in the span of a half hour without losing his temper. Voiced by the swoon-inducing Troy Baker, whose voice is way too gravelly for someone so cute, Booker makes good on his promise to save Elizabeth no matter what it takes–whether it’s jumping between dimensions, swinging like Peter Parker thousands of feet above the ground, or just electrocuting thugs to death in droves. And hot damn, but he makes that Donald Duck sailor suit look fine.
1. Samus Aran (Metroid)
Via Epic Games
Samus Aran gets our top spot because she’s been, without a doubt, the sexiest character in the industry since 1986. From the second she stepped out of that power suit for the first time and set nerds’ hearts a-flutter, she’s been kicking alien ass all over the galaxy and making mad cash in the process. Samus is a deadlier bounty hunter than Boba Fett ever was, and for all her firepower, she’s even deadlier out of her armor than in it. In her Zero Suit, wielding just a pistol and a laser whip (which is infinitely hot by itself), Samus can kill you in thirteen different ways in a heartbeat before moving on to her real target. We hope we never get on her bad side–although with her body, we’re not sure she has a bad side. Hail to the Queen, baby!
Honorable Mention: Lara Croft
We can hear some of you whining through the screen already: “But where’s Lara?” Okay, you want to know why Little Miss Shoots Ancient Artifacts didn’t make our top fifteen? Simple: She doesn’t need another win. Lara’s been at the top of every geek fantasy list since the first Tomb Raider came out–the one where her boobs were so sharp we thought she was wearing a bookshelf. Fine, have another picture of her waving her pistols around (and we’re not talking about the ones in her hands). We’ll be busy shacking up with everyone else on this list.